Just the 4 of Us

This is very (VERY!) hard to write right now, but the only way to say it is that N is no longer with us. For some reasons of which we still don't understand and don't think we'll ever get more clarification on, he has been moved to another foster home. We brought him back to our agency yesterday, hoping this would be cleared up quickly. When we returned today to meet with them (after lots of tears and frustration) we were informed that we would not be getting him back. That's really all I can share with you. I know that this news sounds empty, as does my heart.

As far as where we go from here? We do not feel like we were well represented or well informed by the agency we were going through and at this time of limbo, we are going to investigate our options. This may mean that we start over with training through someone else, but we are going to be in prayer about how God can be seen in this story. I'm sure (have my hope in) that another mom and dad have been praying as fervently as we were and will feel truly blessed to have N enter their home, but right now, it just isn't sitting well. It's hard to see God in this... I KNOW He is there (here) and that we don't see the whole picture that He sees, but this is very difficult.


We are so thankful for all the love and support that we have received from all of you and we look forward to sharing another joy with you sometime in the future... but right now, we are heartbroken and will need to spend some time leaning on the Lord for comfort and understanding.


Right now, as I try to see God in this, the scripture that comes to mind is James 1:2-3

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.

In the same book of the Bible is where God instructed us to take this action of adopting in the first place.... James 1:27

Pure and undefiled religion in the sight of our God and Father is this: to take care of widows and orphans and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

We need to keep our eyes on the book of James, huh?

Yes, because it is also in that book where God tells us that

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father in heaven. James 1:17. (This one is above Ryan's crib)

We believe God when He tells us all these things.
God does not call us to easy things.
He does not make promises of only happiness and joy here on earth.
His promise is an eternal one, one that allows us to have hope.
He gives and takes away.
He loves us, in our joys and our sorrows.
He promises that life here on earth is not going to be easy and that we will have trials in which we will find the need to fall into His loving arms for comfort and peace.
Only His hands can comfort us now.
Only His word is truth.

And a big thing that brings us peace.... He was NOT surprised by what happened today. He knew this would happen and that means He believes we can handle this and move forward. We believe and know that God will not give us more than we can handle, and that He has plans to prosper and not to harm. So, we move forward, only standing on His truth!

This does not mean that I have not cried my eyes out today. I have fallen on my knees asking for comfort and understanding, as well as for the words on how to explain this to a 4yr old, tender-hearted kid that in three short days, completely fell in love with his new "brother." I cannot remember the last time I cried this much... but I know that this is a part of my faith walk and a chance for me to show my children that you can be sad and still honor God. You can not understand and not have all the answers, and still honor God. You can cry and be frustrated, but also turn around and look at the blessings you do have and show honor to God.

We knew that going this route to get another baby was not going to be easy, but we are also hoping that our actions will be pleasing to our Lord and we would appreciate your continued prayers.

All our love,
The Four of Us