My God is So Big

This has been a tough week... and I think that's an understatement. But, let me just say what a blessing the people in my life have been this week. Even if they weren't meaning to do so, they have stepped up and spoken to me in ways that I am so thankful for.

For starters, last night I started attending a bible study (No Other Gods) that I did not think my life would be able to fit in at this time, having expected to have a new baby in the house this whole fall season. It's been awhile since I have been in a small group study and it was time... no excuse after N wasn't here anymore. So, they had already started a few weeks prior, but I jumped right in and was welcomed with open arms by friends that are meeting me where I am right now, praying fervently for restoration in my soul and keeping my family's concerns in their hearts.

We are learning about the identities we hold that seem to define us... being a mother, being a wife, whether or not we have a career that we let define us... when the only real thing that defines us is being called "a child of God." I had the reassurance last night that Satan is loving this time in my life... he is hoping that I steer away from the truth of God's word and His love and instead believe the lies that He couldn't possibly be a part of this time and that He has left me. Nothing could be farther from the truth and instead of seeking myself right now and feeling sorry for myself (all things that the world would think would be ok to do right now) the only thing I need to cling to is Christ and His love for us... and God has put these women in my life at this time as resources of His love and acceptance.

In addition to this, Jeff's cousin made a post on her blog today and reminded me of the friend I have in Jesus. She wrote:

I've never had a friend like my Jesus! Every imperfect human being in my life...whether it be my parents, my husband, my friends, etc...has let me down in one way or another at some point. Even though they all love me and wish they could be perfect for me, they are human. But my Jesus? My Jesus has NEVER let me down. He has never said anything hurtful to me, He's never forgotten my birthday, He's never screened my phone call, He's never laughed at my tears, He's never made me the butt of a joke, He's never criticized my appearance, He's never told me He doesn't have time to listen to my petty problems, He's never cancelled a date with me because He found something better to do. Instead He offers me a comforting ear, tells me I'm beautiful, answers me when I speak to Him, laughs at my sillyness, delights in my worship of Him, devotes His time to me, knows and provides for all my needs, knit me in my mother's womb, and most importantly thought of me while hanging on the cross. I am my beloved's, and He is mine! I've never had a friend like my Jesus!

What a great reminder for me today. He cares right now, He has not left me or my family during this tough time and He is honored that I call to Him in this time of sorrow.

To read her entire post, click here.

And, after reading Andrea's story, a friend from the bible study last night sent me a link to a blog she read today, that spoke directly to me. Tanya was right on in forwarding this message and I'd like to share a part with you.

We can’t promise the direction of the outcomes, the timing of solutions, or a resolution that will ease our breaking hearts. Sometimes all we can do is rest in the truth that our God is bigger.

My Jesus Resolution today is to remember that I serve a big God. He is working right now to clear away anything that blocks my way to His heart.... He is bigger than the people who rock the peace of my heart. He is bigger than the forces that seem unstoppable in our society. God is bigger than anything I will face today. He is bigger than my greatest joy. He is bigger than my deepest sorrow. Today I am going to let the words of a children’s song paint their way across my day – “My God is so BIG, so strong and so mighty. There’s nothing my God cannot do!”

To read this entire post, click here.


I've had people send emails and cards of encouragement and comfort. I've also, at the same time, been receiving cards and packages for baby N that were mailed before we were able to make the announcement that he was no longer here. He was with us for THREE DAYS and was already so loved by so many people. That is so comforting to me... in three days, people found the time to get cards and packages written and in the mail... probably hoping, once they heard the news, that their gift would be lost in the mail, but no, they arrived! But here's the thing... it's hard to open them, it's hard to read their words to a sweet boy that will never know how much they were loved by my friends and family, BUT it's also such an announcement of love and joy that so many people were on our side in this decision to adopt; that they were here to support us as we added to our family.

Whatever God's plan is for baby N, I pray that at some point in his life, he knows that he was loved... even if it was for a short time... that he can somehow feel it. I pray for that family that is going to receive him as the gift that he is and that the picture we passed on to them will tell them that he was well taken care of during the time he was in our home. But mostly, I am thankful for the friends and family that are in our life... the people that are going to love the next baby just the same and immediately show us love and support when that time comes. Our parents have been rocks at this time and we are so thankful for the family units that we have who are united with us at this time, supporting us and praying for us.

I am so blessed! I've never had a better friend than Jesus and my God is bigger than this!


One more note... this song is one of my new favorites, and this video tells the lyrics while you listen to Amy Grant's awesome voice! It's been a favorite since before all of this has happened with Baby N, but now it really speaks to me. May my time of sorrow right now and my cry out to Jesus truly be "Better than a Hallelujah."



We pour out our miseries and God just hears a melody.

Isn't that a beautiful thought and picture? Makes me want to shout AMEN!


Sidenote: I know that this blog is usually just for family updates and most of you come to it to read about the boys, but this is what I'm dealing with right now and God has laid it on my heart to share. It's part of our journey right now and sitting down to write is a very meditative and healing thing for me. God bless you!