Oh boy, oh boy, OH BOY!

That's right! THREE BOYS!

Meet Baby J, watching cartoons with his new brothers!












I feel like I've written this post before! haha!

What a whirlwind this last couple of months has been! BUT, what a gracious and loving God we serve and my how much I alone have grown during this whirlwind. I have learned so much from what we've been through and I can already see that there will be even more learning in our future as we work to make our newest addition officially ours. Adoption... it's a process, that's for sure!

So, last week we received this sweet piece of joy!

Sleeping with Papa!















Let me apologize right now for the limited photos, but his face is just so precious and I really haven't been very good at taking pictures that don't show his whole face, so cute and clear! But, I've got to share the news in more than just an email! I want to document everything for this sweet baby, hoping that one day he will be able to know, without a doubt, how much he was desired and loved from the minute we laid eyes on him!

He's been with us less than a week and I already feel like he was totally meant to be here. Logan absolutely loves him (no surprise there) and Ryan is learning what it's like to have someone else in the house crying and being held by mommy. He really is taking it very well and just loves to give baby kisses. He has started to say "baby" (more like bay,bay,bay,bay over and over) but only when it's on his brain and in his timing... quite cute nonetheless.

There are definitely challenges that come with getting a 3 month old (esp when there's a 14mo old in the home!)... you want to bond, but you want them to sleep... you want to hold them so you can make up for lost time, but there are other kids in your home that want you to hold them... you want to give them adequate tummy time because that's important at this age, but you've got a 14 month old that would like to use baby as a pillow (or think seat cushion!). I was very spoiled having Logan and Ryan being 3 years apart, so this is a whole new world for me. We are all learning, that I can assure you! I'm really hoping that Ryan's next new word isn't "no!" because I'm afraid he's hearing a lot of that these last few days! :-)

But really, Baby J is so wonderful! I didn't realize the conveniences that come with getting a 3 month old... life isn't on hold like it is with a newbie... you can go places, keep your routine, let other people hold him, etc... a lot less stressful in that way for sure! Another really big bonus, his ability to react to you! He smiles, giggles, and truly recognizes the voices and faces around him, something that you often times have to wait patiently for in a newborn. So, God knew all along how to capture my heart... the coos that come from this boy are to die for!

I've got to keep this post short because sleep is a necessity these days, but please continue to keep us in prayer as we go through the process to make him "ours" in the eyes of the law. We don't go to court again until the new year, so for now, we are just going about our days and loving him as we know how. But really, his life is in God's hands and we feel so blessed to be playing a part in it! Thanks so much for everyone's love and support as we have prepared for this, been through the trials that came at the beginning, and those of you that will hopefully be by our side when we celebrate a lifetime with this sweet boy!

Dear baby J,
What a wonderful addition to our family you are! God knew from the very beginning where this path of adoption was going to take us, and we have been praying for you since he laid it on our heart to add to our family in this way. Your brothers love you so much... Logan is so proud to call you his and tell everyone everything about you! Ryan doesn't have much of a clue right now, but I look forward to the day when the two of you are best little buddies, being raised so close together, not having a memory of life without each other in it. Ryan is such a sweet boy towards you, thinking that the closer he is to you, the better... even if that means squishing you or head-butting you! :-) We love you dearly and pray fervently that God would find it in His will for you to be our true son. May God bless you with a full life, with us as your mommy and daddy!

I'll believe it when I SEE it

Wow... these last couple of days have been interesting!

Let me catch you up a bit. Last week (Tuesday) we had a meeting with our agency to discuss where things went wrong with Baby N. We met with people that were pretty high up, got some encouragement and understanding for what we went through and were highly encouraged to stay with them... transferring agencies would put us back a couple of months in being able to have another baby placed with us, and though there were some trust issues, we felt confident that the right people were going to be handling our family from this point on. So, we waited to hear about where Baby N was at that point, as they really felt they had messed up and wanted to try and get him back into our home. Well, he had already been placed into an adoption motivated home, so of course, was not available to come back to us. We didn't get our hopes too high on that possibility, but it was nice to know that the agency was trying to make things "right."

So, fast forward to Friday. We get a call for a baby girl and accept the placement. At first, they were thinking they would place her in our home that day, but then, for reasons having to do with prematurity, they held off until today... Monday. So, (and I hope this impresses you!) I did not BUY one girl thing... three of my friends put together little collections of the basic girl needs and we got a couple of things organized and prepared yesterday. We received a call this morning that the caseworker was headed to the hospital to pick her up and would be at our home around lunchtime with our new baby girl. We had gone about our Monday like normal... a Fall Festival with my Mom2Mom playgroup at a park... not knowing what time all this would take place, and on our way home from the park received another phone call.

Apparently, a family had been identified (from another agency) that had a biological sibling of this baby girl and they had agreed to take her, keeping siblings together. We were put on hold for about an hour, while both agencies and cps got everything straightened out, and were then informed that we would not be receiving this placement. And, to top it all off, when the caseworker got to the hospital this morning, it wasn't even a baby girl!!! It's a boy!!! So really, that's why I titled this "I'll believe it when I SEE it." I guess you never know when you're dealing with cps and the number of agencies/offices out there that place unwanted children!

So, let me help you focus on the three BEST things that come from this experience:

1. We never even had to buy a thing to prepare for this "girl." The friends in my life that are so generous and supportive had given me enough things to get me through at least the first 2 months of this child's life! I may have gone to buy some pacis or something, but clothing was NOT needed! And, I can pass it all right back now if we end up getting a boy in the end!
2. The hospital decided to keep the baby over the weekend! Hallelujah! If this child had been placed with us Friday and the family with the sibling came forward today, we would have had another child taken from us after only three days! Talk about a REAL heart-breaker!
3. This child is going to get to grow up with a sibling... always having a connection to who they are and where they came from. Having two boys myself and seeing how much they love each other, that's pretty special I think! Brothers... so fun!

So, that's where we are as of today. We are still open... we don't think that because something is difficult that it can't be from God. We don't think that we've misheard God in His calling for us to do this for our family.

In the last couple of weeks, quite a few people have asked the question... "Are you still going to adopt now that this has happened?" And the answer, is a strong "Yes!" The conviction that has been placed on both of our hearts doesn't disappear because things don't go the way we want. God's timing is what we are leaning on... His desire and will to be done, in His time, and in His way.

As I seek God in this second situation, I have so much to be thankful for... but mostly, I am so thankful that we were spared from the heartbreak that came last time. I do believe God is asking me to fully trust Him right now... and it with this verse that I will leave you...

"God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect." Hebrews 11:40

and a song we sing at church that I just love...

We trust in the name of the Lord our God
Some trust in chariots,
We trust in the name of the Lord our God.
Some trust in horses,
We trust in the name of the Lord our God.
Some trust in the work they do,
We trust in the name of the Lord our God.
But by His grace all the work is through.
We trust in the name of the Lord our God.
Some trust in the wealth of things,
We trust in the name of the Lord our God.
The name worth more than anything,
We trust in the name of the Lord our God.
His love never fails,
His name will always prevail,
We trust in the name of the Lord our God!

My God is So Big

This has been a tough week... and I think that's an understatement. But, let me just say what a blessing the people in my life have been this week. Even if they weren't meaning to do so, they have stepped up and spoken to me in ways that I am so thankful for.

For starters, last night I started attending a bible study (No Other Gods) that I did not think my life would be able to fit in at this time, having expected to have a new baby in the house this whole fall season. It's been awhile since I have been in a small group study and it was time... no excuse after N wasn't here anymore. So, they had already started a few weeks prior, but I jumped right in and was welcomed with open arms by friends that are meeting me where I am right now, praying fervently for restoration in my soul and keeping my family's concerns in their hearts.

We are learning about the identities we hold that seem to define us... being a mother, being a wife, whether or not we have a career that we let define us... when the only real thing that defines us is being called "a child of God." I had the reassurance last night that Satan is loving this time in my life... he is hoping that I steer away from the truth of God's word and His love and instead believe the lies that He couldn't possibly be a part of this time and that He has left me. Nothing could be farther from the truth and instead of seeking myself right now and feeling sorry for myself (all things that the world would think would be ok to do right now) the only thing I need to cling to is Christ and His love for us... and God has put these women in my life at this time as resources of His love and acceptance.

In addition to this, Jeff's cousin made a post on her blog today and reminded me of the friend I have in Jesus. She wrote:

I've never had a friend like my Jesus! Every imperfect human being in my life...whether it be my parents, my husband, my friends, etc...has let me down in one way or another at some point. Even though they all love me and wish they could be perfect for me, they are human. But my Jesus? My Jesus has NEVER let me down. He has never said anything hurtful to me, He's never forgotten my birthday, He's never screened my phone call, He's never laughed at my tears, He's never made me the butt of a joke, He's never criticized my appearance, He's never told me He doesn't have time to listen to my petty problems, He's never cancelled a date with me because He found something better to do. Instead He offers me a comforting ear, tells me I'm beautiful, answers me when I speak to Him, laughs at my sillyness, delights in my worship of Him, devotes His time to me, knows and provides for all my needs, knit me in my mother's womb, and most importantly thought of me while hanging on the cross. I am my beloved's, and He is mine! I've never had a friend like my Jesus!

What a great reminder for me today. He cares right now, He has not left me or my family during this tough time and He is honored that I call to Him in this time of sorrow.

To read her entire post, click here.

And, after reading Andrea's story, a friend from the bible study last night sent me a link to a blog she read today, that spoke directly to me. Tanya was right on in forwarding this message and I'd like to share a part with you.

We can’t promise the direction of the outcomes, the timing of solutions, or a resolution that will ease our breaking hearts. Sometimes all we can do is rest in the truth that our God is bigger.

My Jesus Resolution today is to remember that I serve a big God. He is working right now to clear away anything that blocks my way to His heart.... He is bigger than the people who rock the peace of my heart. He is bigger than the forces that seem unstoppable in our society. God is bigger than anything I will face today. He is bigger than my greatest joy. He is bigger than my deepest sorrow. Today I am going to let the words of a children’s song paint their way across my day – “My God is so BIG, so strong and so mighty. There’s nothing my God cannot do!”

To read this entire post, click here.


I've had people send emails and cards of encouragement and comfort. I've also, at the same time, been receiving cards and packages for baby N that were mailed before we were able to make the announcement that he was no longer here. He was with us for THREE DAYS and was already so loved by so many people. That is so comforting to me... in three days, people found the time to get cards and packages written and in the mail... probably hoping, once they heard the news, that their gift would be lost in the mail, but no, they arrived! But here's the thing... it's hard to open them, it's hard to read their words to a sweet boy that will never know how much they were loved by my friends and family, BUT it's also such an announcement of love and joy that so many people were on our side in this decision to adopt; that they were here to support us as we added to our family.

Whatever God's plan is for baby N, I pray that at some point in his life, he knows that he was loved... even if it was for a short time... that he can somehow feel it. I pray for that family that is going to receive him as the gift that he is and that the picture we passed on to them will tell them that he was well taken care of during the time he was in our home. But mostly, I am thankful for the friends and family that are in our life... the people that are going to love the next baby just the same and immediately show us love and support when that time comes. Our parents have been rocks at this time and we are so thankful for the family units that we have who are united with us at this time, supporting us and praying for us.

I am so blessed! I've never had a better friend than Jesus and my God is bigger than this!


One more note... this song is one of my new favorites, and this video tells the lyrics while you listen to Amy Grant's awesome voice! It's been a favorite since before all of this has happened with Baby N, but now it really speaks to me. May my time of sorrow right now and my cry out to Jesus truly be "Better than a Hallelujah."



We pour out our miseries and God just hears a melody.

Isn't that a beautiful thought and picture? Makes me want to shout AMEN!


Sidenote: I know that this blog is usually just for family updates and most of you come to it to read about the boys, but this is what I'm dealing with right now and God has laid it on my heart to share. It's part of our journey right now and sitting down to write is a very meditative and healing thing for me. God bless you!